A new series: From Food to Feast

For those who can’t understand why dealing with food seems so hard… For those who wish to gain more clarity and understanding about how they eat… For those who are interested in making new choices about how they eat… For those who consider eating a sensual pleasure without equal… For those who want to feel […] Read More»

How can I learn more about my son’s/daughter’s friends?

R. feels a painful emotional distance from his daughter, despite his desire to know more about her everyday life. R. feels sad and angry because he is “shut out of her life.”  According to R., his daughter seems reluctant to share many details about her thoughts, feelings, and choices.  R. is concerned that his daughter, […] Read More»

Why don’t I see real results? (part 2)

You are so incredibly excited about it: the destination, goal, experience, or feeling you’ve been seeking.  You say once you are actually there, you will know.  Even if you’ve never felt it or been there before, you are certain you will recognize “it” when it shows up, and you will rejoice. Except. Except if you […] Read More»

How long will it take to change?

How long will it take to…lose 10 pounds? Feel better? Leave this marriage? Get the degree? Transform my relationship with my father? At some point, most of my clients ask me how long it will take to change. Here is what I observe about time and change: Change may happen over time, but it is […] Read More»

How can I do this without his/her/their support?

At times, when we seek support, what we really want is protection. We want a guarantee that, no matter what we do, there is someone wise, powerful, and caring who will absorb any unwanted consequences for us.  We tell ourselves that “if only” our boss/partner/family would totally protect us from pain, we would be able […] Read More»

One bold question, four meditations: What do you desire?

What do you desire? I observe that some people answer this question not with a ‘what’ but with a ‘whom’ or a combination of the two. “I want to marry Joe,” “I want Martha to quit nagging me,” and the like. Some of us want our ‘whom’ to start or stop being, doing, or having […] Read More»

Why don’t I see real results? (part 1)

Lisa (not her real name) comes to therapy because she is frustrated. She has invested a great deal of time, money, and energy into achieving a particular goal in her life—and it hasn’t happened. Lisa is angry that her efforts don’t seem to be paying off. She has come to my office because she wants […] Read More»

Why can’t I just be normal around food, like other people?

This is what Steve (not his real name) really wants to know.  He’s been unhappy with his body for much of his life. He used to compare his body to other people’s bodies; now he’s comparing his food habits to other people’s habits. Steve already knows two things: First, he can’t assume that other people […] Read More»

What’s bold?

Boldness is being fully awake, alert, and oriented to your own life. Boldness is being confident and courageous enough to ask questions about your own experience, life, and world. Where does boldness come from? I think the source of boldness is attention. If you decide (and many of us haven’t) that you are worth your […] Read More»